For the past two days I’ve been at an intensive business workshop. I’ve learned an awful lot about digital marketing, lead funnels, sales strategies and quite a bit about myself.
One of my fellow attendees is a professional organiser and works with people to de-clutter their spaces, which got me thinking about why I have clutter. I’m not an overly neat person, and at nearly 30kg overweight I have ‘body clutter’ as well as house clutter. I know exactly when I started putting weight on, to the day.
You see, being fat is my safe space. When I was five and again when I was 11, I was interfered with by two different men in two different circumstances. The first was by a curate at a church weekend away and the second was in a park on the way to school. I have done a lot of work over the years “getting over” these two events but I’ve come to realise, especially over the last two days, how much of a hold these events have over my life.
When my mother approached the curate’s boss after the first event, she was told in no uncertain terms “imagine what it would do to this man’s career if this got out”. Watching the reporting of the royal commission into institutional responses to child abuse has brought this to the surface again, as has my recent attempts to lose weight. I was a slender child until the second instance occurred and then I started stacking on weight and have been continuing to do so for nearly 30 years. My thought pattern was thus: “I was skinny when I was abused (twice), therefore skinny people get abused, therefore if I’m fat that won’t happen again so I need to be fat because it’s my safe place.
I realised this weekend that continuing to be overweight gives the men who did the interfering a control over my life that I am no longer prepared to allow anyone other than God to have. Whilst I had absolutely no control over the events themselves and am not to blame for them, I have complete control over the body clutter that has eventuated. It’s time to take back control of my body and my life.
As soon as I came home from the workshop I got to sorting my clothes, like a boss! I got rid of three garbage bags of clothes and I put one bag of clothes that I very much like but that are too small in the cupboard. I’ve given myself until this time next year to fit into them and what doesn’t fit then is going.
I don’t know what I expected to take away from this weekend but it certainly wasn’t that. On a business note, I have also come home with some very practical business building tips and an awesome support network. Building a profitable business feels much more achievable when you know you’ve got people around you watching your back. I highly recommend joining a mastermind group and finding your ‘tribe’; it’s such a worthwhile investment.